By Dr. Bọ́lá ADÉWARÁ
(www.bolaadewara.com.ng)
Do you blame the supervisor of the child – the mother, nanny, siblings, or beat the child? Would your reaction be driven by anger, discipline, or intentional parenting? What would you do, and what principle would guide your action? This is parenting 101.
First, pause the theatrics. This is not a moral crisis; it’s a predictable developmental moment. A toddler, a marker, and an unguarded surface will always produce this outcome. The question is not who to blame, but what to teach. My response, as Bọ́lá Adéwará, would be structured, not emotional. Let’s go there:
1. Secure the situation (without shouting)
Take the marker away calmly. The child is exploring, not rebelling. Anger at this stage only teaches fear, not responsibility.
2. Correct immediately, but proportionately
Get down to the child’s level, make eye contact, and say firmly: “Not on the chair. We draw on papers.” Short. Clear. No sermon.
3. Introduce consequence tied to action
Let the child participate in cleaning, even if imperfectly. This builds early accountability: you make a mess, you help fix it. A spank might be necessary to make the error and correction memorable. When the human suffers pain, no matter how little, the process leading to it is indelible in the brains. That is how man is wired. Don’t spare the rod. The Word of God can’t be wrong.
4. Redirect, don’t just restrict
Provide an alternative: paper, drawing board, or a designated wall space if you’re bold enough. Creativity is not the enemy, misdirection is.
5. Address supervision privately, not as public blame
If a mother or nanny is involved, discuss systems later: Where are writing tools kept? Is the environment child-proofed? Blame is lazy leadership; structure is responsible parenting.
6. Manage your internal state
The real danger here is not ink on the chair. It’s a father who loses emotional control over the act. Children remember tone more than correction.
In summary:
Spanking is often necessary when a child does wrong but not all the time. No blame-shifting. No dramatic sweating.
Just calm authority, immediate correction, and better systems going forward. If this rattles you, the issue isn’t the child, it’s your expectations of childhood.
