By Dr. Bọ́lá ADÉWARÁ
Being the firstborn in a family comes with certain privileges, but it also comes with responsibilities. In many African homes, the firstborn is regarded as a second parent, a role model, a family representative and sometimes the person expected to hold the family together. However, being the firstborn is not just about being the first child to arrive. It is about understanding the unique position you occupy in the family and using your influence, experience and resources to make a positive difference. If you are a firstborn, here are some responsibilities you should take seriously.
YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES TO YOUR SIBLINGS
1. Be a role model
Your younger siblings are watching you, whether you realise it or not. Your choices, attitudes, relationships and lifestyle can influence their decisions. Set an example worth following.
2. Show genuine interest in their lives
Don’t wait until there is a crisis before you contact your siblings. Find out how they are doing, what they are pursuing and what challenges they are facing.
3. Offer guidance
Share your experiences and wisdom. Be available such that they will respect you. Help them avoid mistakes you have made. However, remember that they have their own lives to live. Being older should not turn you to a dictator.
4. Support their education and personal development
Where you can afford to, encourage and support their education, skills acquisition, career development and other worthwhile pursuits. When they are in schools and you are already working, giving them pocket money once in a while is worthy. Sometimes, your advice, connections or encouragement may be more valuable than money.
5. Stand by them during difficult times
When a sibling is going through a difficult season, don’t abandon them. Offer emotional, moral and, where possible, financial support. A little assistance at the right time can make a tremendous difference. Remember that nature has made you their leader, do all you can to be that leader.
6. Promote unity among your siblings
Don’t encourage rivalry, gossip, jealousy or unnecessary competition. Stay with your siblings. Remember that blood is thicker than water. You sucked the same breast, raised by the same parents, ate the same food, drank the same water. Don’t allow anyone to break that bond. Discourage divisions and avoid taking sides unnecessarily when disagreements arise.
7. Celebrate their achievements
Don’t become so consumed by your own accomplishments that you forget to celebrate theirs. When they put to bed, be the first to send them gifts. Remember their birthdays, even their children’s birthdays. Be genuinely happy when your younger siblings make progress. Their success is not a threat to your position. If possible, be the ladder they would climb on to the top.
8. Protect their dignity and information
Correct them when necessary, but don’t humiliate them. Let them know where you stand at all times. Avoid discussing or exposing their weaknesses and personal struggles with outsiders. Be careful with outsiders like cousins, uncles, aunties, etc. Don’t expose your blood siblings to anyone. Be someone your siblings can trust.
9. Help them maintain family connections
Encourage regular communication, family gatherings and relationships among siblings. If possible, create a WhatsApp group for you and your siblings alone. Remember that one day, your parents would be gone leaving you and your siblings alone. Start taking charge now. As everyone grows older, gets married and establishes their own homes, family bonds can become weaker. Make an effort to keep those connections alive.
10. Be available, but establish healthy boundaries
You cannot solve everybody’s problems. You have your own responsibilities, family, health and future to consider. Help within your capacity without destroying your own wellbeing.
Finally, don’t be angry when they misbehave
It is normal for younger siblings to misbehave occasionally, disagree with you, show disrespect or even say hurtful things. Don’t allow such incidents to destroy your relationship with them. As the firstborn, learn to exercise patience, maturity and restraint. Correct them when necessary, but avoid reacting with bitterness or seeking revenge. Remember that being the older sibling sometimes requires you to be the bigger person. However, don’t encourage persistent disrespect. Set boundaries firmly but lovingly.
